one foot in the grave || open

[Jinxeh.xXx]

Looks like the holy ghost is gone



Now you're afraid of yourself

♦ ♦ ♦

How many times had she been out here in the past few days? If someone were to ask her that question, the young RiverClan apprentice wouldn’t know how she would answer. If she were to give an answer as a number, she would be lying to them. There was nothing she could possibly say that wouldn’t be a lie to them. But then again, why did she care? The she-cat had never cared what her Clan mates thought about her before, but this, this was something different. She wasn’t sure how it was, just that it was. This was almost personal to her, to her own sanity. The lithe pale tabby had been out at this same spot, staring into the depths of the crystal clear flowing river that supported the border between RiverClan and ThunderClan for the last three days, except when she was training of course. Silver lined fish with beautiful translucent fins swam by her topaz coloured eyes continuously for what seemed like a moon, before they disappeared from her vision. Emberpaw knew they weren’t really gone though; they were just out of her sight. She knew they would be back soon, swimming back up stream, for whatever reason.

Was that going to happen with her mother? Was the she-cat by the name of Terncall going to come back for her and her siblings? Emberpaw doubted it, but even when she doubted the return of the silver fish, they always seemed to come back when she least expected it. Maybe her mother would do the same thing. She had never met the traitor, but she knew about the she-cat and what she was capable of. Oh yes, Emberpaw was told everything there was to be told about the she-cat that had brought her and her siblings into the world. About how she ran away from her mate, how her mate came and threatened her. The whole situation disgusted the young cat. She was the reason why Emberpaw had the cold demeanour towards her Clan mates. They had always looked down on her especially, because of how much she resembled Terncall. So, Emberpaw shut them out of her world, out of her mind. She refused to let them get to her, get under her skin, ruin her life as a RiverClan warrior. The apprentice knew they didn’t approve of her disbelief in StarClan, which just gave them more reason to hate her, but there was nothing she could do about it in the long.

So why should she care what they thought of her? Let them ask questions about why she was always away from camp. If they thought she was seeing a cat from another Clan, she would just laugh at them. Their ignorance to everything that she was, and cared for, gave her only more reason to detest the cats she called her Clan. She would never betray her Clan by going with a tom from one of the others. There was enough trouble in the forest without interClan relations. Draping her little paw over into the cool slow flowing river, a shiver shot up her foreleg and rippled down her spine causing her pelt to ruffle at the sensation. Think what you want. Emberpaw thought vehemently before taking a deep breath to calm herself. Getting angry about this would do her no justice. No, she had built up these walls for a reason and she was not about to let them come tumbling down just because she let her frustration and anger get the better of her. Breaking her gaze from the crystalline liquid, she looked out into ThunderClan territory.

It was a beautiful territory; there was no denying it; the tall trees with full foliage and thick underbrush, the brilliant tones and hues of green. But, it seemed so . . . closed off. No space to run, no clear lines of vision. Emberpaw would never be able to live there; she would feel much too . . . secluded. RiverClan was the perfect territory! Just enough trees and more than enough open space, but with coverage to make you feel safe. Emberpaw let a smile come to her face, something that was quite rare for her to wear as her eyes caught sight of a beautiful song bird perched upon a strong bough. Raising her head from her paws she tilted her head to the side, drawing her paw out of the river, as the birds beak parted. A song rang from her beak cutting through the silence of midday with a soothing melody. The bird sang a solo, before other birds chimed in mixing with her original pitch. Emberpaw’s eyes were fixated upon the first song bird, and only a few moments later her chest began to rumble with a purr. The feminine apprentice blinked slowly before something out of the corner of her eye caught her attention. Immediately her purr was silenced and her usual scowl erupted over her pretty face.

“Who’s there.” Demanded Emberpaw, her lip curling at the unknown cat.

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♦ ♦ ♦

Over your shoulder you have to watch

Heaven fall into hell

[Marionette]

Foxheart had hunted earlier that morning with the other warriors. She had caught two whole fish and brought them back to camp and the fresh kill pile. After she had taken the second fish and retreated to the warriors den to eat. Once the food had settled in her stomach Foxheart had taken a brief nap. She wasn't quite sure why eating put her to sleep afterwards more often then not, but it was easier to go with it then resist. She had awakened feeling refreshed, new energy coursing through her body. Staying in the den hadn't felt acceptable, so she had wandered out of camp.

The day was beautiful, fresh crisp air ruffling her fur slightly and the sun a warm presence shining down from above. From that perspective, it was an enjoyable day. Foxheart wasn't in a rush to be anywhere, so she kept her walk leisurely and steady. In the distance she could hear a bird start up, others quickly joining in. It sounded like it was coming in the direction of the river. Foxheart had been leery of going anywhere near the river after what happened to her litter mate. Just the thought of water and the lethal potential it possessed was enough to unnerve the usually unflappable she-cat. Unfortunately for her, Foxheart was pretty good at swiping fish from the river and it was even her preferred prey.

When she was on the hunt for the clan, usually she just braced herself and endured the wearying effect being near the river had on her. On her 'off' time, she avoided the stream of water whenever possible. But this time, not only had the birdsong captured her attention, but she was sure she could detect the scent of another she-cat. Curious now despite herself, Foxheart changed course and headed straight for the river.

“Who’s there?”

Foxheart pushed through some of the vegetation blocking the river from sight just as the voice pierced her consciousness. Once she was through the greenary, the she-cat glanced down the river at the figure of another cat.

"I could ask the same question. It's Foxheart."

[Jinxeh.xXx]

Looks like the holy ghost is gone



Now you're afraid of yourself

♦ ♦ ♦

A list of names ran through her head as she waited for the cat to reveal themselves. It could be any one of her Clan mates; minus the kits or elders. There weren’t many cats that she would like to see, and the chances of them showing up were slim to none. Who did she want to see? Right now, one of her siblings so that she could actually talk to someone about it. If she were to talk to anyone else, they would just see her as weak. But her siblings, they would just hate her more, and despite everything, she would rather have that than have her Clanmates think as her of weak. Flicking her tail, Emberpaw bent her back and rose to a sitting position, her wet paw drying uncomfortably under the breeze and the sun beating down upon her. Breathing in deeply, she tried to determine who the scent belonged to, but her senses were failing her. Then again, she wasn’t surprised. She had never been the best tracker, or hunter for that matter. However, she should be able to distinguish between her Clanmates individual scents. Keeping a neutral expression on her pretty features, she breathed out deeply when she recognized the cat. Being told her name kind of helped the matter too, but she would prefer to keep that information to herself.

Personally, the young she-cat didn’t know much about the warrior looking down on her. Then again, she didn’t really know about any of her Clanmates and she was okay with that. Cocking an eyebrow at the way she was looking down on her, Emberpaw bit back a snappy comeback, wanting to shut her up and send her on the way. However, she knew that probably wasn’t an option. She had gotten into enough trouble for being out of camp and not bringing back any kind of prey to show for it. Even if Foxheart didn’t say anything to their leader, it would just be another enemy she would have in the heart of her home, if the warrior didn’t hate her already. Unsheathing her barely marked claws from their delicate sheaths, she felt them pierce of the earth beneath them, and sink into the cool dirt. She had to say something, or leave. Emberpaw secretly knew that the latter wasn’t an option, not in the least. So talking it was. Swallowing the resentment that had sealed her lips shut at the sight of her fellow Clanmate, Emberpaw’s ears swiveled back subconsciously before she let her cold voice cut through the silence between the two she-cats.

“Emberpaw. You’re a warrior, aren’t you supposed to know the name of apprentices?” Speaking rather dryly, her left eyebrow creased her forehead hiding some of the tabby stripes that highlighted her features perfectly as an accent to her speech. The question wasn’t exactly the nicest one she could’ve asked, but oh well. If Foxheart didn’t like it, she could always run back to the camp and complain about her like everyone else did. Dropping her gaze with nothing more than a drop of her eyebrow, she glanced into ThunderClan territory again, noticing that the songbirds had left, leaving the forest quiet, and making the silence between the two she-cats more pronounced and uncomfortable. Whiskers shaking ever so slightly Emberpaw turned her attention back to the she-cat. “You smell like fish. Catch anything good?”

[/color] Trying to be alittle more tactful, Emberpaw tilted her head to the side a bit, but her face stayed expressionless; something that she had worked to perfect all her life. Hopefully this would diffuse the hostility that she felt growing between them, more so for the sake of Foxheart than herself.

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♦ ♦ ♦

Over your shoulder you have to watch

Heaven fall into hell

[Marionette]

Foxheart padded forward but stopped before it could be considered crowding. She looked over the smaller cat, taking in her orange pelt and the darker markings that made her a tabby. At the same time she kept an eye on the river and made sure there was some distance between the bank and herself. She didn't want to slip on mud or something and go tumbling into the water. She was old enough that she knew how to swim but she'd rather not figure out how good she was at it. Trying to take her mind off the rushing water, she looked ovre her companion. She thought she vaguely recognized the orange tabby.

“Emberpaw. You’re a warrior, aren’t you supposed to know the name of apprentices?”

She reared back, surprised at the snarky tone. She felt suddenly off balance but quickly pushed the feeling down. "Well, maybe if I had an apprentice I'd know their name." Foxheart followed Emberpaw's glance into their neighboring territory. 'What could be so fascinating over in ThunderClan's part of the woods?' she mused to herself. She snapped her attention back to the younger she-cat as she spoke again.

“You smell like fish. Catch anything good?”

"I managed to catch two." It wasn't an impressive haul, but still pretty good. She was rather proud of her fish catching abilities, even if at the same time the river left her feeling shaky every time. "What are you doing over here? Listening to the birds?" Foxheart noted the birds had stopped sometime during their meeting, though she hadn't noticed at the time. Tired of standing, Foxhert settled her rump on the grass she had been kneading beneath her paws seconds before. She curled her tail around to lay the end over her front paws. Every now and then the tip twitched. The presence of the sun felt nice and she was thankful she had such a light colored coat. She had noticed some of the darker coated cats tended to fuss about the sun more.

[Jinxeh.xXx]

Looks like the holy ghost is gone



Now you're afraid of yourself

♦ ♦ ♦

From her time along the sidelines of the camp, Emberpaw had developed the ability to study a cat without staring. Mostly by the way the stood, the way their ears twitched, or swiveled at certain sounds; not so much by the way they talked. Out of the corner of her topaz coloured eye, the young intelligent apprentice noticed the nervous glance to the river and the seemingly calculated distance between her and the crystal clear water that flowed through the riverbed, smoothing rocks and supplying the Clan with food. Emberpaw’s face remained neutral –bored even– as she thought about this interesting quirk that Foxheart apparently owned. Was the warrior afraid of water? The thought was absolutely preposterous considering she was a RiverClan cat, the Clan of swimmers, and their main source of food was from the river.

Then again, she could’ve been looking at the Thunderclan territory nervously, due to how unreasonably close to the border both she-cats were. A patrol could come along anytime and threaten them and question them, and then how would they reply? They were just talking. Yeah, that would go over well. Probably start a border dispute. A bubble of nerves burst in her stomach as the lithe apprentice considered this and realized that the older cat had some sense in her after all. Dismissing this realization from her mind Emberpaw kept her gaze steady on the warrior in front of her as she spoke, however she immediately lost interest in what she said when she seemed to stumble, despite the fact that she was standing in one spot. The cats in her Clan really were mouse brains.

“Good warriors receive apprentices.” Emberpaw said offhand, shrugging her small femininely built shoulders, the sun bouncing off her fiery shoulders, as her pelt rippled down through her back and haunches at the motion. Yes it was a personal shot at Foxheart, but that was usually how the young apprentice responded to cats, such as her. From the point in their relationship, Emberpaw didn’t think the she-cat to be very bright. On any other day, the femme would have dismissed herself from the conversation already, but today she decided she would give the warrior the benefit of the doubt. Retracting her claws, deep into their delicate sheath once again, the tip of her tail began to flick up and down periodically, a sign that she was itching to move from her resting position.

Nodding her head, and giving a forced, cold smile Emberpaw let the comment about the warrior catching two fish slide between them in silence. Her previous thoughts of the she-cat being afraid of water were completely nell and void and she was left to assume that she was nervous about the close proximity in which the ThunderClan territory layed. Oh well, if a ThunderClan cat wanted to come and make a big scene about two RiverClan cats sitting in talking in a relatively civil way, then let them. Emberpaw wouldn’t mind giving them a piece of her young but intelligent mind. With a shrug of her shoulders yet again she cast her eyes away from Foxheart at her question.

“Actually, I was waiting for my ThunderClan lover; the birds just added background noise.” Delivering the lie with a straight face, Emberpaw couldn’t help but chuckle to herself. From what she had seen from the young warrior so far, she wouldn’t probably believe that that was what she was doing. Everyone else in the Clan would believe this, and she appeared to think no better of her than any one else. Letting a real smile grip the corner of her mouth, the she-cat spoke again. “He’s really handsome, and older than me. He makes me melt.” Really playing up the being in love part, she released a long drawn out sigh and gazed longingly into ThunderClan territory.

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♦ ♦ ♦

Over your shoulder you have to watch

Heaven fall into hell

[Marionette]

While most of her attention was focused on the apprentice across from her, at least some of it was hyper aware of the river. She listened to the sound of it rushing down the stream, careful to catalog any changes. The subtle scent of water mixed in with the other smells that came to her. The clan might be known for its swimmers, but she didn't have to love something to be good at it. She could even be terrified of it, yet push that fear aside for the good of the clan. The fish were plentiful and wonderful prey for the hungry clan. She couldn't deny them a food source because of her own fear. Foxheart studied the younger cat to forcibly take her mind off the distance between her and the treacherous river. Her orange pelt suited her name and the apprentice's yellow eyes seemed shrewd. 'Ah, this one just might be one to watch out for.' The younger she-cat certainly seemed to have quite an attitude on her.

Maybe she would have to reconsider getting to know the apprentices. If this one had some brains, maybe the other apprentices were worth keeping an eye on. After all, sooner or later she'd get an apprentice, one that would hopefully be good enough to become a warrior.

"Good warriors receive apprentices."

Foxheart sputtered, thrown. This one certainly had a mouth on her! It was certainly a more then decent come back. "Maybe I'm just not ready yet." she finally settled on. "Maybe I just haven't been a warrior long enough yet." She hadn't been made a warrior all that long ago. It was better for apprentices to be paired with warriors that actually had experience. She could admit that she was still young enough to have a lot to learn. Foxheart narrowed her eyes when the apprentice answered her question. "Lover?" she muttered doubtfully, more to herself then Emberpaw. Did the apprentice really expect her to buy that? "Am I supposed to believe that? You have quite the imagination." The last comment was said with utter sincerity. It wasn't often that one displayed imagination as to make it quite rare.

[Jinxeh.xXx]

Looks like the holy ghost is gone



Now you're afraid of yourself

♦ ♦ ♦

Discomfort and annoyance began to burn under her skin as the warriors scrutinizing eyes bored into her. What did she want any ways? No one stuck around to talk to her any other day, so why was today any different? Emberpaw had been perfectly fine just laying by the river by herself and really didn’t want to be disturbed contrary to this mouse brained warriors belief. Emberpaw already didn’t like her. Didn’t like the way she looked, didn’t like the way she talked, just didn’t like her at all. If the warrior was smart, she wouldn’t like her either, and then everything would be perfectly fine and dandy and she could buzz right off. But that chances of that happening after the conversation they were having now was slim to none. This is what happens when you’re nice to cats, Emberpaw. Scolding herself for being polite, Emberpaw continued to stare longingly out at ThunderClan territory waiting for the stupid she-cat to take her eyes off of her. It was really starting to get on her last nerve, which was usually never a good thing, especially when she wasn’t in a good mood to begin with. Listening to her sputter, a smug expression came upon her face.

“Maybe, maybe not. Who knows, who really cares?” Pausing briefly to consider whether she should continue, the lithe apprentice’s eyes flicked. “No one, that’s who.”

[/color] Dead panning the last comment, Emberpaw shot her gaze back at Foxheart who didn’t look particularly pleased with her comment about her not being good enough. Oh well, these cats needed to get knocked off their high stones some times and realize that their useless cats in the sky aren’t going to hand them everything on a shiny rock and give them a lick on the cheek. No, her Clan mates’ egos were high enough already, they didn’t need her inflating them even more. Giving her a quick one over, she returned to looking out into ThunderClan territory, this time, her eyes searching for her song birds. A hand clenched at her heart, increasing her annoyance as she realized they had long gone, no traces of them left, no last echoes of their songs on the wind. Just another flipping reason for her not to like Foxheart, or Foxdung; that was a more suitable name. Hearing her say ‘lover’ under her breath, Emberpaw groaned on the inside. Oh here we go.. However the words that followed left her rather surprised and at a loss for a snarky comeback – something that rarely ever happened.

“Oh, I guess not.”[/color] Answering sheepishly, Emberpaw’s annoyance ebbed away little by little, being replaced with discomfort. Maybe this cat wasn’t as stupid as the rest of them, or as close minded. But then again, she was probably just playing some ridiculous mind game to get her to spill secrets that she didn’t have. Concealing her emotions once again, her face became stony and finally a witty comment struck her tongue before she really thought about what she was saying. “Wow, at least someone in this Clan isn’t a complete and total idiot.”[/color] Of course, with this comment, she was bashing her leader, as well as Ivorymask. She should feel bad, and a little ashamed of her comment, but she had never cared before, so why start caring now. With the slightest shadow of a smile, Emberpaw turned to face Foxheart, most of the hostility gone from her body, but still weighing on her mind heavily. “It’s nice to see someone who is blinded by the rumours and speculations about me.”[/color] Still using her cold, and cutting tone, she tried to put a bigger smile on her face, but it was protrayed as nothing more than a grimace. How pathetic was that? She had been hiding behind her mask for so long; she didn’t even know how to smile anymore. Brushing off this rather depressing thought, the she-cat sighed lightly.

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[/size]

♦ ♦ ♦

Over your shoulder you have to watch

Heaven fall into hell

[Marionette]

Maybe Emberpaw's lie would have been more believable if she was older. It was hard to imagine an apprentice with a lover. Besides that, even if was possible, a hunch had told her to dismiss it as a falsehood. Foxheart rose and paced closer to the apprentice opposite her. She peered in the direction she was looking but didn't see anything of interest. She let a small laugh escape her at how dismissive Emberpaw was to her retort. "You're rather blunt, aren't you?" she said, half to the apprentice, half to herself. She wondered if that trait would last into warriorhood. If she hadn't lost it by apprenticeship, it was likely a permanent trait. Shame, subtlety could count a lot in manipulation and Emberpaw could probably be pretty good at it if she toned her attitude down.

"Everyone? I don't think its too likely everyone's an idiot. The leader perhaps?" she suggested mildly. At the mention of rumors an ear twitched. She hadn't paid much attention to the apprentices themselves, but gossip could be useful. Of course, you couldn't believe everything. Nonetheless, knowing what was going around about who could be important on occasion. Foxheart wracked her mind, going over everything she had heard about the apprentices over time. After a few minutes of intense concentration, it came back to her. "Believing rumors can be dangerous," she said simply. It was true, especially plans based on false information, definitely a bad thing. "Have you really given up on the clan?" From the way she was talking, it certainly sounded like she had.

[Jinxeh.xXx]

Looks like the holy ghost is gone



Now you're afraid of yourself

♦ ♦ ♦

In response to Foxheart’s question, Emberpaw’s eyebrow flew up and it was accompanied by an otherwise very blank stare. You’re rather dumb, aren’t you? Thinking to herself she shook her head slightly, and just let the comment slide. She wasn’t here to answer stupid, pointless questions. But then again, Foxheart was a brain washed RiverClan cat who believed everything everyone else said. Not that she was overly surprised, but a little bit inside of her wanted this warrior to be smarter than the others. However, there was nothing you could do when they were trained by close minded, stupid, fox brained warriors, who hated everything that she was because of her traitor of a mother. Ear flicking at the sound of a fish splashing back into the water, she turned her head in the direction of the sound just in time to see a flash of silver, bouncing the sun’s rays back into the air. It was a pretty sight to say the least. Fish were so simple but so pretty. It was nice to see that in a world so full of hate, there was still something redeeming about it. Ears swiveling at the sound of Foxheart’s voice again, she scoffed and shook her head. So naïve.

“Ha. Yeah. Open your eyes, cat.” Pursing her lips, the she-cat replied coldly, no longer trying to be nice. It was frustrating that these cats let themselves be so blinded by what someone else said, rather than going to the source and finding the truth. They were all sheep, and the rumors were the shephard. Closing her eyes, she tried to calm her flaring temper. It was getting tiring being cold and mean all the time, and not having anyone support her or be on her side. Along with it being tiring, it was also lonely; she didn’t even have her siblings to support her. No, they hated her as well. At nine moons, she was ostracized by everyone in her Clan, the cats that were supposed to be her friends, act as her family and carry her through the hard times. A wave of frustration gripped her chest and she felt the strong urge to growl and yowl, and release all the anger and aggravation that lived inside her small, feminine chest. Instead, she sighed deeply and dropped her brow. At least Foxheart had enough sense to suggest their leader’s stupidity and ignorance. There was still some hope for this she-cat after all. “Rumors are the new leader.”

[/color] Growling under her breath, Emberpaw’s eyes flashed with pain and anger as Foxheart asked a question she had pushed to the back of her mind for what seemed like moons. Her soft, short, wide ears turned back and her whiskers twitched uncomfortably.

“Why do you care, Foxheart?”[/color] Emberpaw snapped, a hint of growl sharpening her words. Shaking her head furiously, she tried her best to keep her voice calm and emotionless, but she was past that point. Foxheart didn’t know it, but she had asked the one question that the young alienated apprentice had been avoiding. “Have you ever walked through the camp, and had everyone avoid you? Or, look down on you like you are the scum of the Clans?”[/color] Speaking through gritted teeth, her lithe body began to shake, her anger finally emerging from deep within. “I get treated like I have been directly sent from the Dark Forest to be a burden on RiverClan.”[/color] Her voice had grown thin with emotion. Stop it! She shouted to herself, and she breathed in deeply again, the shaking becoming less noticeable, but still there. “Everyday I get punished for what Terncall did. As if I am the reason she was a traitor...[/color] Completely losing her control she stood up and whipped around to face Foxheart head on. Pain shone through her guarded eyes and she immediately felt ashamed for losing it. However, she didn’t drop her gaze from Foxheart. Someone needed to see that she wasn’t at fault, that despite everything, she still had a heart, and feelings, and that she was hurting. More than anyone could ever imagine. "This is supposed to be my home!”

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♦ ♦ ♦

Over your shoulder you have to watch

Heaven fall into hell