JINX} - - - mirror on the wall

[SPECKLE]

SPECKLEKIT
- - - { mirror on the wall

The day had just begun, the sun was slowly starting to peer over the tops of the trees and in camp it was all ready bustling with life. Warriors padded back and forth across the camp and apprentice hurried about, preparing dens. Only one cat seemed to be doing nothing in particular, and with good reason. She sat alone, her small body rigid and un-moving. Her awkward leg sticking out at her side and before her. She had no tail to curl around her paws. The creature's lower half of her body was still entangled in cobwebs of the incident of only a few days ago and even now she seemed like she could do nothing... which was really, proving to be true. Specklepaw felt a sort of sadness working through her muscles and her mind as she watched the cat's around her, preforming the duties that she would never have the privilege to do. Now, well, especially now, she wanted nothing more than her mother and father to be alive. Because she wanted them to be there to comfort her. Instead? She had a brother who hated her and a sister who loved her dearly but couldn't express her true emotions and was really of no emotional strength or help.

Specklekit had been confined to camp for probably the rest of her life. She walked with a clumsy limp and any balance that she would have had was gone along with her missing appendage, otherwise known as her tail. The dark gray tabby stared at the warriors that walked by. A few offered her friendly smiles and a few were filled with sympathy. But even now, as the she-cat was slowly beginning to realize her hopes of being a true warrior were fading, she was able to smile back. She offered them a true smile, one that summed up how happy she was through her disability and some cat's gave her a look of disbelief while others simply smiled more. She loved being able to have that effect on cats. She knew that a lot of them would sit and mope and while she did sometimes, because she was young, she also took her time and pleasure in spreading joy to the cat's of the clan. She absolutely loved to be that kind of cat, the one that could spread joy to anyone and everyone.

Now you see, Specklekit's mother had died at birth and her father had died while saving her from the fox. The vigil had ended the previous day and the kits were escorted to where their father was buried. They were so young, too young to have lost both of their parents in such fatal ways. Their father was buried beside their mother and while it seemed like all hope was lost for the kits, Specklekit was able to smile and bring smile to other's tears. She had laid out a set of stones over her parent's graves and left them there, pleading with the leader to leave them be where they were. She only could hope that it would work.

But the true thing that made Specklekit love her life the way she did? Was because she knew it was what her parents wanted. Their mother had died in the kitting process, after pleading with Gingerfrost to save the kits instead of herself. The same had happened with her father, when he needed the medical attention, he demanded that she be looked after first. She had died at his side that day. Specklekit knew that if she lived in the past she would only be letting herself and her parents down and when you'd lost both of them... well that really just wasn't an option.

The little cat slowly pushed herself up onto her paws and hobbled her way across camp. She stared at the entrance to camp, the place she had once foolishly stepped from and was attacked by foxes. She had been following her brother... but now she knew that it had been a very poor idea. The little gray and white tabby lowered her gaze down to the ground for a moment before a smile flashed on her face. Her memories returned back to when their father had laid in the middle of camp, playing with each of the kits, fending them off one by one with playful swipes of his paws that did nothing more than bowl the little balls of fur onto their side. She missed her parents... oh so much.

[Jinxeh.xXx]

You think that you can take me on?

You must be crazy
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The time spent sleeping away the night never seemed long enough. You lay your weary body down upon your nest, with your head rested on your sore paws, slowly closing your eyes to sacrifice your mind to the soothing fog of sleep. The sounds of night became heightened and lulling as you gradually slipped out of consciousness where your mind was free to wander. With sweet dreams of frolicking through fields of poppies, or bounding after the juiciest piece of prey in the forest, and the proud moment of presenting it to your hungry Clan mates, sleep is your sanctuary, your escape from the burdens of Clan life. It’s the time to rejuvenate your body and your mind, so that you may be the best that you can be for the day ahead. However, sleep can also be a dungeon; the gateway into the hell of one’s subconscious. Dreams of happiness and joy can be ripped by the poisonous, gnarled claws of your deepest and darkest fears. Visions of your loved ones being torn to pieces at the paw of an enemy cat, causes you to cry out in anguish. You try to wake up but there is no escape from the pain swarming around your body, your mind, your heart…

Three nights.

A gasp of breath left his body as his brilliant, emerald orbs opened to the light of morning streaming in through the entrance to the young leaders den. His eyes revealed nothing to him, only able to register the blinding rays that cast shadows against the roof he slept under each night since he had taken the position of leader. The large brown tabby tom layed motionless in his destroyed nest, as he slowly grew more coherent with each minute that passed, his eyes blinking with each pang of sorrow that struck his body. His heart was palpating rapidly, beating against his rib cage, demanding an escape from the captivity, and the pain. The rhythm of his breathing mimicked that of his heart to a tee; the reason he had not moved. Noises from the camp curled their way around the walls of his den, flooding his ears with voices, sounds, and the laughter. Crimsonstar had slept in again, if that was what you could call it. The brute didn’t feel rested nor safe upon waking from his slumber every night, no, he felt the exact opposite: vulnerable and weak. Reason told him to speak with Gingerfrost, and seek our poppy seeds to help him achieve a more peaceful sleep, but his pride told him not to.

Hind leg outstretched across the floor of his den, he felt his jaws part in a yawn, expanding his chest to its full capacity. Moisture welled up on the rims of his eyes as the full force of the yawn encumbered his body. Tension releasing from his body as he came out of the stretch, and then from the yawn, Crimsonstar worked his way to his strong wide set paws, before bending his flexible back up to the point where his spine graced the ceiling. With an exasperated sigh at the state of his nest, the troubled leader turned his attention to the sounds of the camp. Everyone was so alive, and happy it seemed on this particular morning. Inhaling deeply, he gave a dismissive flick of his tail and putting on a practiced smile emerged from his den and into the warm bath of light.

Surveying his Clan mates quickly, noting the absence of his deputy and a handful of warriors, he felt a pang of guilt for not being up to attend the dawn patrol. Trying to shake off the uncomfortable knot in his gut, Crimsonstar moved gracefully, despite his fatigue, down from his den and into the base of the camp. Dipping his head, he mewed a good morning to one of his warriors before carrying on to look for some breakfast. Usually the tom cat would wait to eat until he had gone on a patrol, but dizziness had begun to ensnare his senses. Paws coming to a stop beside each other, he gave a quick, calculative scan of the prey supplied by his hunting patrols, and let his eyes lock on to a small, but plump vole near the bottom. Its position in the pile was a clear sign that it was older than the rest of the selection, but he didn’t mind. Lightly sinking his teeth into the carcass, he pulled it from the depths of the pile and gave another quick look around the camp before his eyes fell upon Specklekit. The tom cat cocked his eyebrow, intrigued by what she was doing. Striding over to the slowly mending kit, he let his tail lightly touch her back as he sat down beside her, dropping the vole at her feet.

“Good morning Specklekit.” His husky voice rumbled through the camp, despite the fact that he was trying to speak lightly. “Are you feeling better? Have you eaten breakfast yet, little one?”

[/color] A side of the tom that not many seen was being revealed to a cat that was probably too young to even begin to comprehend it, but he didn’t mind. Tired eyes moving away from her body, he followed her gaze out into the forest. A sad smile crossed over his features.
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There's not a single thing you've done
That's gonnna phase me.
[/center]

[SPECKLE]

SPECKLEKIT
- - - { mirror on the wall

Specklekit continued to teeter around the camp for what felt like hours, but in reality her slow passing had only lasted a few minutes tops. She knew it, but the dimensions of time were always stretched in a kit's head at a young age. Ask anyone, and they could have told you that. The sound of paw steps around her seemed to grow louder and the little tabby's ears perked, her balance swaying until she nearly toppled over but managed to, barely, save herself at the last minute. Specklekit looked slowly around the camp again and gave a light sigh. It wasn't sad... merely bored. She was tired of being injured and while she knew it wouldn't go away, it was more wishful thinking from a kit. Her little ears quivered as she heard laughter around her and instantly another smile seemed to plaster itself onto her face. She knew her father would have never wanted anyone to mourn his loss. Not now and especially not ever.

Slowly, the little cat found herself tiring of her teetering and limping and her walking and stumbling so she lowered herself down into a sitting position again. A voice broke the silence in the air around her, and instantly her bright, cornflower blue eyes flickered upward toward the sound. The cat she recognized as the new leader, Crimsonstar. The little tabby twitched her nose at the smell of food but simply shook her head. She wasn't quite old enough to be weened away, she wanted a queens milk rather than a piece of prey. The little cat sniffed it and wrinkled her nose in a cute fashion before looking up at her leader again. Why do you eat that, it smells funny. She said, sniffing the air again, taking in deep breaths before shorter, louder ones and then repeating the process like the longer she did it, it would become more appetizing.

Her voice was high pitched as she looked it over again and watched as the leader joined her and she offered a smile, just like the ones that she had given all the other cat's in this campsite. She had suffered a great loss over the last few days and yet the little cat could find a reason to move past it and smile like there was nothing wrong. But that was because in her mind... she knew that deep down there really was nothing to be sad or worried about. Specklekit let out a yawn, shaking her head quickly as if she could shake the sleep away. She had slept decently... but it always seemed like she was tired quickly. She wasn't really sure why that was. The little, dark gray creature moved with a certain slowness as she pushed herself again to her paws. She waited several moments before moving closer to the leader, not too close, but close enough where she didn't feel like she was sitting a thousand fox lengths away from him.

But as she drew closer, she was able to see how big he truly was and her eyes seemed to grow bigger for a moment as she stared up at his size. Will I ever get that big? Her question was innocent and the sound in her voice rang with curiosity and genuine wonder. She knew all of her questions weren't necessarily the best questions to ask, but they were simply things she wanted to know. After several moments, the little cat looked him over again and offered another smile. This time, it was fainter, almost as if she wasn't sure if she should ask this question, but before she could truly think it through, the words escaped her little jaws. Crimsonstar, why do you look so sad? Again, her sweet personality shone through and while she knew she had plenty of things to be sad about, she just simply couldn't. The world would move on whether or not she held onto her parents' memories and if she did then she would simply set herself farther behind and while she was young, she still knew that that was no way for a young cat to live.

Specklekit's whiskers quivered as she looked him over, observing him with her big, blue eyes. She seemed to be studying him almost, attempting to find the answer without him having to say it. But the longer she looked, the more confounded she became and soon she sat, almost expectantly before him, waiting for the answer to her question. Do you think I will ever be a warrior? The question that came was completely unexpected... not even she had been anticipating answering the question. Specklekit knew that her chances were... well they were hardly worth anything. Her hind leg had been mangled so badly that Gingerfrost had said almost instantly she would never be able to use it again. And with her entire tail missing, all of her balance was thrown off. She didn't have something to keep herself from falling and she didn't even have something to even out the balance.

Specklekit knew the answer to her being a warrior was a no, she knew that her chances would be next to impossible, if not impossible. But at the same time... well it seemed like a question that she needed a real answer to, rather than just listening to the thoughts that rolled inside her head like a giant ball. Everything seemed to catch onto it and soon she was thinking of so many things that she could hardly keep the previous thing straight.

[Jinxeh.xXx]

You think that you can take me on?

You must be crazy
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A few moments stretched between the two of them, as the large tabby waited for the she-cat to reply to his questions. Crimsonstar had never really taken time out of his day to speak with the younger cats within his Clan; he just never seemed to have time for it. This was the first time he had spoken to the little she-cat, but he knew what she had been through. Oh yes, the young leader knew all about it. He had been good friends with her father, but merely acquaintances with her pretty mother. It was sad what the little she-cat had experienced while so young in moons, and in heart. The thought of growing up with his mother twisted his heart painfully. His mother was his only gateway to sanity, the only thing that kept him going on his worst days. Crimsonstar could go on without his father; it was no secret that the two toms had never gotten along. Maybe it was because they were both strong-headed individuals; or the fact that they both wanted to protect Meadowfrost. Either way, their personalities had always crashed, causing tension between them, and despite their longing to protect the she-cat, caused anguish for her. Crimsonstar knew it was hard for her to see the two toms that meant the world to her –her son and her mate- at odds with each other every waking hour of the day.

Registering her little voice in his alert ears, his left ear swiveled to better her, while the other one was trained on the rest of the camp. Crimsonstar couldn’t help but laugh in spite of himself. It hadn’t crossed his mind that she might be still too young to eat meat. Of course, her size and the fact that she was still a kit should’ve been a dead give away, but anyone that knew the leader would know that he was not himself lately. Lack of sleep and terrorizing nightmares would do that to a cat. The laugh was light, and good natured, but not over the top. He was surprised that he could even laugh in the mood he was in. Watching her with another raised eyebrow, the sad smile dropped off of his handsome tabby painted face. Her small body quivered with the breaths she breathed in over his breakfast. He hadn’t a clue in all of StarClan as to what she was doing, but it was amusing to say the least. She obviously didn’t like the scent of his meal, but she was still breathing in its tantalizing scent. Kits were odd creatures, but they were the future of his Clan, and even though she was crippled beyond repair, she could still be an asset to the Clan.

“You’ll understand one day why we eat this foul smelling food.”

[/b] Teasing the little cat, he dipped his head to the ground his jaws opening to take the meal into his strong mouth. Teeth sinking into the flesh, puncturing the skin this time, he drew his head back up and devoured the plump, old vole, savouring the sweet, rich meat as it slid down his throat and hit his stomach. The small morsel of prey did next to nothing to satisfy the grumbling in his stomach, but it took away the dizziness and nauseous feeling that arose from unbelievable hunger that gripped one when they had not been properly fed for a couple of days. And of course, one would need an appetite to feel hunger, just another thing he had been lacking in for what seemed like a moon. Hearing her speak once more, Crimsonstar felt discomfort prickle at his pelt as a result of her question. It took him a moment to realize she was referring to him. How could one answer a question like that? He was a large cat, not many were as big as he was, and most definitely no she-cat, especially one with an injury as extensive as the one that she had. Looking away from the small kitten, Crimsonstar’s whiskers twitched as he answered her question.

“No one will ever be as big as me! I’m the biggest cat in the forest!”[/b] Eyes twinkling, Crimsonstar kept his gaze away from the she-cat, but his voice had gotten louder, returning to his usual pitch. How else was he supposed to answer the question? She sounded so sweet and innocent; another thing that kits were good at. How could he tell her that there was no way in the Dark Forest that she would be the same size that he was? It would be next to impossible for her to reach his size, even if she hadn’t been injured. Catching her movement out of the corner of his eye, he felt the tip of his tail flick up and down with an uncomfortable pace, while the rest of his body stayed stock still, and it took everything that he had not to look upon her mangled leg. But he couldn’t any longer. A new wave of sadness and pity gripped his features and body as his eyes locked onto her leg. His eyes stayed upon her leg until she opened her mouth to speak again and this time he let his own gaze peer into her large blue eyes. This time, he didn’t respond to the kitten. Crimsonstar had nothing to say to her, nothing that she would understand to say the least. Sighing, he breathed in deeply, dismissing her question by breaking her gaze.

Crimsonstar was only slightly aware of her small frame standing beside him. Out of his peripheral vision, he was able to see just how small she actually was in comparison to her. Feeling her blue stare boring into his skin, he shuffled his paws, but tried to pull off the nervous movement by shifting his whole body and draping his long tail over his large paws. Crimsonstar was frozen by the she-cats question. It caught the leader off guard and caused him to look at Specklekit with an incredulous looks for a moment before he wiped his face clear of any expressions. If he thought the question about her size was a hard one to answer, he was dead wrong. Crimsonstar knew that she would not be a warrior, and the thought of telling her that would break his heart. He could be a mean cat, with a nasty temper, everyone knew of that. But wrecking the dreams of one of his own Clan mates? How could he ever do something like that? Swallowing the lump of bile that had risen in his throat, he lowered himself down to her level, and met her stare dead on. “I think you can be whatever you set your mind to, Specklekit. But sometimes, your destiny is set in another path for the Clan.”[/b] Whispering to the kit so that only she could hear what he was saying, Crimsonstar sighed once again. “We can’t question what StarClan has planned for us.”[/b]

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There's not a single thing you've done
That's gonnna phase me.
[/center]

[SPECKLE]

SPECKLEKIT
- - - { mirror on the wall

Her soft eyes studied him without judgment, she was merely observing, watching. Something she would become more patient with and more silent about. Deep down, Specklekit knew that one day she would have to face the facts that she would never be a warrior... but right now it seemed too far away to be concerned about. The gray tabby's paws shuffled in the dirt and her ear flicked as she looked him over in complete silence. With a slow, timid glance at him again, she watched him eat the vole and found herself making a face of disgust. Maybe so... but it still smells icky! She said lightly, a faint smile playing on her lips. The little cat's tongue ran over her chest a few times, as she took the time to smooth down the white patch of fur that marked her chest. Slowly, her blue gaze flickered up to him yet again as he began to speak.

His words brought a giant smile to her face and she giggled as his eyes twinkled. She had seen it, it was so easy to see. Specklekit had become very good at reading other cat's emotions, whether it be happiness or sadness, pain or joy. That's okay, it may work for you, but I don't think I would ever like to or want to be that big. She said quickly, her large eyes slowly moving away from him. She noticed how he refused to look at her, almost as if he was embarrassed by it or ashamed of being seen with her, but she didn't speak about it and didn't even try to voice her opinions about it. Instead, the little cat made little trenches in the dirt using her small paws, watching as a small pile formed behind her paw as she pulled it backwards. But suddenly... she felt as though he was staring... but not at her... rather at something else. She raised her gaze and slowly followed his gaze until she noted that it was indeed at her... at her leg.

Slowly, again, her eyes returned to the ground in almost a self conscience way. She knew that it was bad, but at the same time, so many cats stared at it and awed at it as though it was unusual for a cat to have a bad hind leg. That was the one thing she really, truly hated about it. It always seemed like someone was staring. Specklekit didn't attempt to ask her leader as to why he was staring and suddenly, the strange, awkward feeling of being watched stopped. She raised her eyes up to his face, watching as he looked away from her and seemed to dismiss her question. She sighed, it was small and almost inaudible, but it was a sigh none-the-less. Specklekit knew that there were some things she simply didn't need to know. She knew that there were things she wasn't supposed to know. She also knew that most cat's didn't have in mind to share their every problem, specially with someone as young as her, and so she didn't press him.

But as the moments of silence passed between them, the tom seemed to shuffle his paws and react in almost an awkward way. She felt bad that she was the one causing it and slowly the little cat pushed herself to her paws. She knew that her leader didn't want to be harassed or to be questioned by a kit. She looked down at her paws as he lowered himself down to her height and slowly, the little cat nodded almost painfully. She knew it was true, she knew that what he was saying was true but at the same time she wanted for it to be the exact opposite. But at the same time she knew it was true. With nod, she slowly raised her gaze back up to him and shrugged quietly. I... I don't know why I asked. I all ready knew the answer.

With a quiet nod, she slowly pushed herself to her paws. She didn't want to bother him, he was the leader of their clan after all. He obviously had more important things to do and it was easy for her to see that he was uncomfortable with her questions and curiosity. Specklekit curled her claws into the ground to steady herself before she turned slowly, her hind half hobbling from side to side. She didn't say anything other than the last few words. I should... head back to the nursery. I don't want to get under foot. She was sad, at least for now. But she had reason, and good reason. She had known for a long time that her life as being a warrior would probably never be. Specklekit's real reason behind leaving him now was because she saw no point in letting him be uncomfortable and feeling very awkward.

[Jinxeh.xXx]

You think that you can take me on?

You must be crazy
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[/font]

Everyday something seemed to happen to him that he couldn’t explain. Sometimes it was when he was out hunting in the forest for his Clan mates, and he couldn’t bring himself to kill something. And other days it was when he was sitting in camp and he felt absolutely no love for the cats around him. Today, today was something different all on its own. He didn’t know why, and he didn’t know what the cause was. But he realized that he was unable to hold eye contact with the kitten that was seated beside him. At first, when the thought crossed his mind, he left it to the fact that she was so much smaller than him and it was hard to keep ones neck arched at an angle such as that. But when he sunk down to the ground to look the she-cat right in the eyes, he felt something inside him scream at him, telling him to look away. It was unexplainable and completely ludicrous. However, for some reason looking into her eyes brought on a bout of shame, and worthlessness. Luckily, she was the first to drop their eye contact, but the feeling did not leave his large chest. Clearing his throat, as quietly as he could he looked at the little she-cat with her gaze on the ground with sorrow in his eyes.

There was nothing he could do. How could he tell her she would become a warrior when he knew that would never be possible for a cat who was so horribly injured? If he told her that she would be, when it was time for her to become an apprentice, what would he do? Give her to a mentor and watch her struggle with even the simplest of tasks? Crimsonstar was no medicine cat, he wouldn’t even say that he knew anything about herbs other than what cobwebs did to blood, but he knew that this was something that she would not rebound from. Of course she would have a place within the Clan, and if things worked out, maybe even an extremely important one, but right now, he could see the sadness in the way she held her body, her damaged leg laying dead beside her body as her shoulders sank a bit as she mumbled words that he didn’t want to hear, not from someone so young, so full of life. Crimsonstar barely heard what Specklekit squeaked out, but it still hit him in the chest as if someone had taken a sledgehammer to his rib cage. Closing his eyes against the pain and shame he felt for himself, he suddenly realized why he couldn’t look her in the eyes.

He couldn’t save her. He would never be able to save her from her debilitating injury that had swiftly and painfully removed a young cat’s dream of being a warrior. As leader he was supposed to protect his Clan mates from evils, and from dangers; prepare them for battle, ready them for disastor. But this . . . this was something he would never be able to fix and it twisted his heart painfully, sending jarring bolts of discomfort and pity for the she-cat through his body, flooding his eyes with the emotion that followed them. Coming out of his own self pity he just caught her words about her going back to the nursery. The powerful tom went to open his mouth to respond, but the words caught in his throat leaving him speechless in front of the saddened kit. Crimsonstar wasn’t used to seeing Specklekit outside of the nursery, and it was even rarer for him to see her in such a state. Despite her injury she had always seemed to walk around with a smile on her face and act like there was nothing wrong with her, even though it was blatantly obvious that there was something. With his gaze fixated on her small body as she rose to her feet and began to trudge away towards the nursery he hesitated for a moment before raising to his own feet and letting a smile make its way onto his handsome face.

“Well Specklekit, I will be your personal escort back to the nursery so that no big mean warriors can accidently step on you!” Crimsonstar boomed, his voice ringing off the walls of the camp as he made the comment, hoping to lighten the mood and put a smile back upon her dark gray face. It was the least he could do after he reassured all her worst fears about her future.

(ooc// Sorry, this was kind of rambly. My muse flaked out on me. :S)

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There's not a single thing you've done
That's gonnna phase me.
[/center]

[SPECKLE]

SPECKLEKIT
- - - { mirror on the wall

Specklekit felt a sense of sadness welling inside of her. The entire time that he had been sitting there, almost pondering over what he would say or could say, he refused to look at her. She found herself wanting to scream at him, to tell him that she was no different. But she knew that was not true. She was injured and had, needless to say, become a very ugly and displeasing creature to look at. Her leg was still very ugly and awful looking and her tail? Well that was completely gone, the little stump that was left was marked with ugly scabs and wounds that seemed to refuse to heal. But it had also only been a few days... it would take time. A long time before everything inside this little cat healed. Specklekit's eyes slowly scanned along the ground, following a path to the nursery, her thoughts seemingly shut down. She didn't want to be sad... she hated being sad. But there always seemed to be something there to hold her down.

Today, it was her injury, tomorrow it could have been her brother, or her sister, or the true realization that their parents were gone and that it was her fault. Specklekit was the smallest kit in the litter, making her the runt. She was the last kit that had been born into the family. She was the one that had caused the problems. And even now, when a family of foxes had torn apart the clan, leaving multiple cats dead, her father being one of them... he had been killed to save her. The little dark gray cat felt another tug at her heart as she stared out across the campsite. The warriors and apprentices that had so many jobs were just... well they were so lucky. They had no idea what they were lucky for... but she did. Specklekit knew she would not be able to forgive any cat that dared to say that they hated walking and running and training.

With a sigh, as she limped away from her leader, she found her eyes watering and filling to the brim with tears. The sound of the cat's voice behind her gave her a start, but she slowly glanced over her shoulder at the tom, having to bite back the sadness and the pain in her eyes. She blinked the tears away having to almost force them not to fall before she was able to offer a faint smile. Her bright eyes sparkled with laughter and a smile touched her eyes as he spoke. Thank you Crimsonstar. She knew that for the most part, the warriors were aware of her and she usually had nothing to worry about when it came to them. But she appreciated the company, regardless of the fact that their leader still couldn't look her in the eyes. She felt like a waste of space, especially now. Now that her fears had been confirmed for the second time in the last three days.